Sports - Wood, Hay and Straw?

I admit, I have a love-hate relationship with sports.  I married my sports-crazy husband and had four sons. For almost two decades, my life has revolved around sports.  When my guys are not playing or coaching sports, they are watching it on TV or participating in a fantasy football league.  I have sweatshirts, lawn chairs, foldable stadium seats, feet warmers, mittens, multiple jackets, wool socks, umbrellas and ponchos.  We’ve invested a lot of money into sports fees (to play and watch), basketball shoes, football cleats, sports equipment and gas!  We’ve braved blizzards and subzero temps.  We’ve met all sorts of friends on the side lines and volunteered in the concession stands.  My kids exercised, met friends, and learned how teams work.  Well sort of.

My boys have tried it all – soccer, swimming lessons, football, traveling basketball, 3 on 3 basketball and baseball.  At one point, we had three sons in traveling basketball at the same time and the season overlapped with football!  It was crazy.  One spring, my oldest two sons tried baseball while my husband traveled for work.  I went to 40+ games in the rain while pushing my two youngest sons in a double stroller.  After that season, I talked my older sons out of playing baseball; this was not an easy task because all of their friends played three sports.  However, we decided we would enjoy our summers and be a two sport family – football and basketball.

It was busy, but we had our boundaries.  We prioritized church attendance and Christian community for our kids. When our sons played traveling basketball, we managed to miss church only a handful of times over the years.  Sometimes that meant we would visit a church nearby the tournament. We limited our sons to one sports team per season (no doubling up).  We kept our kids going to youth group, church camps, and connect groups so they had Christian friends and a biblical foundation.  Some sports seasons required missing youth group, but we would not allow missing youth group as a year round norm.

I think my youngest son sat in the gym one time too many when he was young.  He got tired of wasting all his time on sports.  He took a break from football in 6^th grade and basketball in 8^th grade.  What??  He didn’t love sports.  He was burned out and thought it was a waste of time.  He did not want to miss going up north, vacations, or time with his cousins for a basketball tournament anymore. 

Sports are great for meeting new friends and for filling time to keep kiddos out of trouble.  But there is also a balance of too much time being committed to organized sports at the expense of Christian community and a biblical foundation (not to mention family time).  We have our kids for such a short time before they are grown up and gone!  What are we building in them?  Is it something that will last when the sports are done?   

I have been reflecting on I Corinthians 3:10-15, “Because of God’s grace to me, I have laid the foundation like an expert builder. Now others are building on it. But whoever is building on this foundation must be very careful. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ. Anyone who builds on that foundation may use a variety of materials—gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw. But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value. If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward. But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss. The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames.”

Now that two of my sons graduated from high school, I have a different perspective on sports.  For most, sports do not last. We faced sports related trials with our sons - broken bones, injuries, stitches, and concussions.  Our oldest son played football for ten years.  In his senior year he was the best lineman on the team and would start varsity.  He couldn’t wait!  On the first preseason game, he injured his knee and was out for the season!  I sat through the season in disbelief.  All the years of work he put into football and this was his chance…gone.  He was sitting on the sideline with crutches. Another son faced a disappointing basketball season for his senior year.  After playing basketball for ten years, he saw very little playing time…another chance gone. All those years invested into sports seemed like “the wood, hay and straw” spoken of in the scripture and was burned up in an instant.  My sons trusted that the Lord had bigger purposes for those years of playing sports, but it was still a bummer. 

Recently, my youngest son switched from a large public high school to a tiny private high school with about 60 students.  A friend described the new school, “It’s not the typical high school experience.  The school is small and not big on sports.”  It sounded perfect for him.  He wanted a change.  At the new school we made him play basketball again so he could meet new friends.   As a freshman, he started JV and even played some varsity.  His basketball skills stood out. Because the school was so small, some kids were playing basketball for their first or second year.  They played to have fun, not to be better than everyone else (in order to get playing time), or to win a college scholarship. As I watched, I thought this is the way basketball was meant to be…it was fun. 

Don’t get me wrong, competitive high school sports can be fun, but for some kids it can also be disappointing.  Not everyone makes the team and if you do, you might not play much.  I remember a mentor once said, “Lower your expectations and you’ll be disappointed less often.”  This is so true!  Lower your expectations for your kids as it relates to high school sports and you all will be disappointed less often.  High school sports are not all we have imagined them to be.  I discovered that I had a few misconceptions about high school sports:

1.      Being good at a sport is a good way to get a scholarship for college – Nope.  In my opinion (and from our personal experience), good grades will get your kids more money for college.  Some kids get scholarships for sports, but not many.  Remember, you have to have size, skill, playing time and remain injury free.  Some of these things are beyond your control.  If free college is your motive for putting your kids in sports, let me make a suggestion, save all the money you will pay for sports fees and put it into a college fund instead!

2.      I thought my kids would learn work ethic from sports.  After all, if you work hard you can get good and play varsity when you’re older.  Not necessarily.  This lesson backfired.  My young adult children are still trying to figure this one out – not all of their hard work “paid off” in the way they hoped.  Oops.  Working hard does not guarantee playing time.  There are other talented players, lack of physical size, ability mismatches, coaching style or (dare I say) politics that can prevent a hard working kid from playing varsity.  In some cases, a personal injury does the trick. Don’t count on hard work alone – your child will be disillusioned.

 

3.      Your kids will make friends.  Yes and no.  Your kids will make some friends and some enemies.  Let’s face it, sports are competitive.  Some of the friendships last but many last only as long as the sports season.  It can get awkward too, especially when kids are vying for playing time or if one makes the team and the other does not.  Sometimes, sports friendships are all about proximity.  As soon as the sport is over, so is the friendship.  Build friendships that will last.

I’m glad our kids played sports, but I am even more grateful that we valued and prioritized Christian community along the way. Sometimes we need to have a reality check and evaluate the reason we push our kids to excel.  The time we have with our kids is SHORT.  Sports are not bad, but you and your kids will learn much different lessons than maybe you imagined when they were young.  There will be highlights – we have great memories, friends, and boxes of trophies.  But we also learned valuable lessons about teamwork and humility through the disappointing times.  Life isn’t always fair.  These are the lessons that will remain along with their faith.  So what’s my advice?  Prioritize Christian community, faith and family time along the way.  Enjoy the moments with your kids. Have fun together.  In the end, remember to build good things into their lives. After they are grown, what will remain?

Side-by-Side Perspective



This past summer, our family took a road trip.  After stopping to get something to eat, my husband and I were sitting next to each other, in a parking lot, in the middle of Indiana when I noticed an unusual store. I asked my husband, “What is HHgreg?”  He replied, “What? I don’t see HHgreg, I see a store called Arhaus Furniture.”  We were sitting side-by-side, looking the same direction, out the same window AND we each saw something different.  How? There was a small tree which blocked our view.  I took a photo of what I saw and my husband took a photo of what he saw. Neither of us was wrong, we just had a different perspective based on where we were sitting.

Several years ago I had the opportunity to attend diversity training, focused on race, through the school district.  The training encouraged us to have “courageous conversations."  Our small group of white leaders was challenged to ask our African American friends what it was like to be black in America.  We were encouraged to believe our friends rather than defend, or explain, our perspective. I had many courageous conversations, actually I listened a lot more than I talked.  I was disheartened by the stories I heard about the experiences of many of my African American friends. I learned that we did not always have the same viewpoints because we were not sitting exactly in the same spot. By listening to my friends’ stories, it was as if we were comparing  our side-by-side photos for the first time and I was able to understand a new perspective.  Soon I was able to recognize discriminatory situations, which I had not previously noticed, and I was bothered by injustice.

Prejudice (a preconceived opinion or bias) is an obstacle which stands in the way of races understanding each other; it makes the assumption that we all see and experience the same things, when we do not.  We need to take the time to ask questions, listen, learn, and empathize.  We need to have friends who are racially different than us and stop allowing the news stories, or our limited experiences, to dictate our opinions about others.

Our lives are enriched when we involve people from other races in our lives because it broadens our perspective. I'm so glad I asked my husband about the store that day on our road trip, because I didn't know that he saw something different than me. I'm even more grateful that I had courageous conversations with my African American friends and learned about things I had not previously seen or experienced.  Perspective is not about being right, it's really about the vantage point from where we sit.





My View

Husband's view

  

  
  
  
  


 
 








Surprise Me Lord

Wow, what a weekend.  I am writing this on the flight home from Miami where I attended a “Surprise Wedding.”  A young man, Ryan, was dating Amanda for several years.  Her dream was to be engaged and married on the same day.  What a brave and bold dream. 

Unbeknown to her, Ryan worked on planning this wedding for a year and a half.  He wanted to fulfill her dream. He planned the big day to be in Florida as a SURPRISE to her!  

I am a planner.  I wouldn’t consider myself a control freak, but rather a “responsible person” who needs to make sure all of the details are worked out.  The concept of a surprise wedding baffled me.  I wouldn’t want to leave it up to the groom to plan it all. I wondered what would happen if she said no.  There was a lot at stake for both of them.

A tropical storm in the area affected many of his specific plans.  Amanda’s flight was canceled.  Ryan worked feverishly to reschedule her flight; she arrived late Thursday night.  He quickly realized that the only thing that was important was the soon-to-be-bride being there.  Early the next morning, he let her know that today was “the day.”  He proposed, “Will you marry me today?” She said yes.  Then he had a mini-gathering for all of the guests who traveled from all over the country.  We briefly celebrated the engagement before wedding preparations began.

I personally don’t like being surprised and I’m not sure I would have liked my groom to do all of the wedding planning.  But you should have seen Amanda’s face – tears of joy coupled with unbelievable excitement! She was overflowing with gratitude.  Before she even knew everything he had planned, she said “This is perfect.”  She trusted her groom.  What a genius she was!  She did not have to fret over the details of a wedding. She literally just had to say “yes” and be the bride.

Ryan’s plans were amazing and she was totally surprised!  He planned the proposal and he figured out a way for her to pick out her own wedding dress.  He thought of EVERYTHING: guest list, invites, flowers, program, pastor, wedding party, rings, tuxes, bridesmaids’ dresses, ushers, musicians, groom's dinner, reception dinner, DJ, and honeymoon. There were about 100 people at this surprise wedding. This was not thrown together; it was a fully planned dream wedding. He wanted to please his soon-to-be-bride and he gave his best.

As I watched this unfold I was challenged!  The level of trust and love they had for each other was astounding. She accepted whatever he planned with gratitude and he trusted she would say “yes.”  It was then I saw the downside of being overly “responsible”.  Maybe I would experience more joy with a greater level of trust for the Lord.  Maybe surprises aren’t so bad.  After all, this was amazing! Ryan went above and beyond and she did not have to experience the stress of planning it…just the joy of experiencing it! 

The wedding did not turn out exactly like Ryan had planned; he faced many obstacles.  The tropical storm raged throughout the day; the streets flooded, flights delayed, guests delayed, the wedding moved indoors, and original reception area flooded.  Ryan handled every setback with class and made the necessary adjustments. Amanda was able to enjoy being the bride. The wedding turned out beautiful and they were “Mr. & Mrs.” by the end of the day.

The Bible refers to the church as the “bride of Christ.”  Maybe this is how Christianity is supposed to work - trust the groom!  Christ is planning many good things for us that we are not aware of, storms rage but His glorious return is still coming.  Perhaps our own need to plan everything cheats us out of many blessings.  We don’t need to fret and worry; we just need to say “yes” with gratitude.  This weekend, I found myself praying, “Lord, I’m sorry for not trusting You more. I am sorry for trying to plan it all.  Will you surprise me?”  It makes sense. Why fret? Why do it all in our own strength?  Let the Lord take care of the details of our lives. After all, the Bible says God does exceedingly above all we can ask or think (Eph 3:20).

I am ready for the Lord to surprise me, how about you?

Piled Up?

Everyone has it. The pile of things we need to do when we have time.  Some people have a pile of papers on their desk or a pile of household items to be sorted through.  Maybe the pile is a corner of stuff in the garage or, in some cases, maybe the whole garage has become a pile.  It’s the pile of things we know we should do when we have time.  Our days fill up and when the day becomes too full the unfinished, and less urgent, items join the pile. 

We will eventually get to the pile, when we are not busy.  But today, we are busy.

It was a Business professor who asked me if I was addicted to being busy.  I laughed, but I had to face the fact that I enjoyed being busy and I had become accustomed to it.  I returned to school as an adult; I was extremely busy with homework, work, school board and taking care of my family.  I had become used to the adrenaline rush in order to get stuff done.  But not everything was done, there was a pile. Don’t worry there was nothing urgent in the pile.

I finished school, took time off work and slowed my life down; I was able to get to the pile. I filed papers, organized rooms, reconnected with friends, read books, and took care of the non-urgent items.  I felt a sense of accomplishment and a sense of sadness when I realized a few important items were buried in the pile.  I realized it was too easy to stay busy and miss out on things that were important like relationships, mealtimes with family, and sitting around to watch a movie or play a game.  The non-urgent things were in the pile.

It’s not easy to slow down, but we must.     

If things are piling up, it’s a good indication that we might be too busy.  Maybe some important things have been buried in the pile because they were not urgent at the time: devotions, diet and exercise, relaxation, shopping, time with friends, and time with our children or spouse.  We need to take time to relax and sort through the busyness.  We need to learn to say “no” and create margin in our lives, otherwise important things might end up buried in our pile.

Undeserved Gift



The words “Love is patient, love is kind” is found in I Corinthians 13 . This chapter is referred to as the love chapter and is often read at weddings.  The best marriage, or relationship, advice I could offer is to focus on what love is; simply, love is patient and kind.  The remaining verses in the love chapter explain what love is not. 

While I was out shopping, I found myself pondering “love is patient, love is kind.” I was lost in my thoughts and unloaded my cart in the express lane; I had way more than 12 items.  I did not realize my error until I saw the people in line behind me holding only a few items.  I was so embarrassed!  I apologized profusely to the cashier and to the other customers. Guess what?  They were all patient and kind to me.  What an undeserved gift!

Patience and kindness extends grace to others.  When I make a mistake, I appreciate it when others are patient and kind to me.  I try to remind myself to extend patience and kindness to others when they make a mistake.  It's not easy, so I had a plaque made displaying the words “Love is patient, love is kind.” I have it in a location where I see it every day to remind me to be nice.

Let's improve our relationships this season by giving patience and kindness to those around us.  According to Romans 2:4, God’s kindness leads people to repentance.  Loving those around us is something we all have to work on everyday, but it will make a signficant difference in our relationships. Love never fails.

Are you an angry Christian?

As I think about this election, the country is divided and people on both sides of the political aisle are angry.  One thing I learned about anger, it is often a result of a person feeling powerless. 

If Christians are arguing over politics, perhaps “Christians feel powerless.”   The desire to change society through political means is not new to Christianity.  It happened in Biblical times; after Jesus fed the five thousand in John 6, the people wanted to make him an earthly king.

John 6:14-15 "After the people saw the sign Jesus performed, they began to say, 'Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world.' Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself. When Jesus was on earth the people wanted to make him an earthly king.” 

Changing society through political means is not the message Jesus came to bring.   Jesus was unwilling to become an earthly king. The Bible is clear that Jesus came to establish the kingdom of God on this earth; not to rule the kingdom of men.

In the Bible, the book of Esther is a great model for Christians who want to influence society today.  Queen Esther was a Jew living among non-Jews.  She could have demanded kosher food and announced her origin, but she did not.  The Bible said the king was pleased with Queen Esther and she won favor with everyone around her.  At the right time, Queen Esther had the influence to save her people.

Christians should vote and be involved in politics.  However, if Christians put their hope in political outcomes, of any kind, they need to reevaluate which kingdom they are plugged into.  If individuals do not care for those in authority, they will lose favor and influence in society.

The kingdom of God is powerful. The Word of God is powerful. Prayer is powerful. Christians need to plug into the kingdom of God.

Do you want to make a difference? Read the book of Esther and then study the gospels to learn about the kingdom of God.  Be nice to those around you; clothe yourself with humility, honor and prayer.  2 Chronicles 7:14 says, “ if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”  

 

Christians should not feel angry and powerless.  Prayer is not the last resort, it should be the first option.Cross references:2 Chronicles 7:14 : S Nu 6:27

 

The Power of Nurture

My husband and I planted a tree in our front yard nearly a decade ago.  It had about a four inch diameter trunk, but after a few years it struggled.  The leaves withered each year and moss began to grow on the trunk.  The tree was barely alive with minimal growth.  We wondered if we would have to chop it down. 

I noticed our neighbor’s tree was huge.  It was planted at the same time but it was growing, the leaves green, it was full and plush.  After some investigation, I learned the secret of their tree’s success.  They nurtured it!  They fertilized it each year and treated the leaves to prevent the bug infestation.  It wasn’t obvious at first, but years of nurturing paid off and it was noticeable a decade later.  I guess trees need more than just water.

My husband and I took on the challenge of nurturing our tree back to health.  We fertilized it each year and sprayed the leaves.  The tree came back and began to grow. The past few years, the leaves have been green and plush.  It is still smaller than our neighbor’s tree but it’s thriving now.

After our tree began to recover, I heard a message from “Living on the Edge” about the importance of the role of a mother; a mother should nurture, protect, and provide for her children (in that order).  I thought about my kids and my own goals.  I pondered the idea of nurture and wondered the difference it could make in their lives.  I made a commitment to do my best to learn how to nurture them.   In the short term, it’s not flashy or rewarding but it will produce thriving in the future.      

So here’s to the value of nurture - every day I look out at the tree in my front yard and I am reminded how the small things add up to make a big difference.