The Power of Nurture

My husband and I planted a tree in our front yard nearly a decade ago.  It had about a four inch diameter trunk, but after a few years it struggled.  The leaves withered each year and moss began to grow on the trunk.  The tree was barely alive with minimal growth.  We wondered if we would have to chop it down. 

I noticed our neighbor’s tree was huge.  It was planted at the same time but it was growing, the leaves green, it was full and plush.  After some investigation, I learned the secret of their tree’s success.  They nurtured it!  They fertilized it each year and treated the leaves to prevent the bug infestation.  It wasn’t obvious at first, but years of nurturing paid off and it was noticeable a decade later.  I guess trees need more than just water.

My husband and I took on the challenge of nurturing our tree back to health.  We fertilized it each year and sprayed the leaves.  The tree came back and began to grow. The past few years, the leaves have been green and plush.  It is still smaller than our neighbor’s tree but it’s thriving now.

After our tree began to recover, I heard a message from “Living on the Edge” about the importance of the role of a mother; a mother should nurture, protect, and provide for her children (in that order).  I thought about my kids and my own goals.  I pondered the idea of nurture and wondered the difference it could make in their lives.  I made a commitment to do my best to learn how to nurture them.   In the short term, it’s not flashy or rewarding but it will produce thriving in the future.      

So here’s to the value of nurture - every day I look out at the tree in my front yard and I am reminded how the small things add up to make a big difference. 

Misunderstood at the Light

By my house, the morning traffic is very busy and if a driver misses the green left-turn signal, it will be another five minutes before the light turns green.   In the morning, five minutes seems like an eternity.  Since only a few cars are let through with each green light, a short 15-minute drive could be stretched into a 20 or 25 minute commute. 

My son was running late, again!  I had to drop him off at school and I only had 15 minutes to get him there.  The left-turn signal was already green, and backed up.  I decided to go straight, make a u-turn, and make a right-hand turn onto the highway to save time. I wasn’t the only one.  As I waited to take the right turn, there were three cars ahead me.  The lead car was hesitating to turn, so I decided to give a gentle honk of encouragement.  After a few minutes lapsed, I quickly honked again. 

To my surprise, the driver directly ahead of me jumped out of her vehicle.  With her arms flailing, she cussed me out.  “What is your #%-^*#!  problem?” she asked, “Quit honking at ME!" I was shocked, “I wasn’t honking at you,” I calmly explained.  She didn’t care!  She continued her rant and jumped back into her car.

Stunned, I looked over at my shocked son and said, “Lesson learned, don’t honk.” 

I picked up a few other lessons that morning at the light.  First, don’t assume.  The woman assumed she was being honked at and took personal offense to the honking.  There could have been a dozen other things that could have happened.  What if my son reached over and honked the horn?  What if my horn was broken?  What if I was digging around in my car and bumped my horn twice? What if I was honking at my friend in the lane next to me?  What if it was the person behind me honking?  What if I had a medical emergency?  One thing was for sure,  I wasn’t honking at her.  She asked me what my problem was but never stopped to listen to my answer.  

Second, don’t jump out of your car, in an intersection, and yell at someone (especially if you have personalized license plates).  Sounds funny, but it's true.  When you are offended, take the time to find out what  the person really intended.  You may be surprised to discover, it had nothing to do with you.

How many times in our own lives do we assume someone is “honking” at us when they are not, do we take the time to listen?   How many times do we let our own impatience send the wrong signals to others? 

 

You should...

Several weeks ago my son was frustrated with a friend.  I naturally wanted to fix the situation so I suggested, “You should...text him.”  My son became upset and asked, “Mom, don’t you think I know how to contact my friends?”  Did I not know he was friendship savvy?  Of course I knew he was savvy!  However, I did not portray my good sentiments by the way I framed my suggestion.  Although my motive was pure, it felt demeaning to my son, and I had to apologize.

I chatted with my sister about the situation. She suggested in the future reframing my advice with a question and eliminating the phrase “you should.”  If I would have asked my son, “Have you considered texting your friend?” He would have replied, “Yes, I have already texted him three times!” She was right! If my advice was framed as a question, I would have understood the whole situation.  My original "you should" advice was not revelant and the whole misunderstanding could have been avoided!

I learned a valuable lesson: ask a question instead of giving a “you should” answer. It might  be a challenge for a “fix it” person like me, but today I am offically eliminating "you should" from my vocabulary. 

How about you, do you find yourself offering “you should” advice?

Quit Making Noise

Circumstances can get the best of us if we allow it. Yesterday I had the opportunity to chat with a few good friends. They both had one thing in common: they were overwhelmed with life. As I listened to their situations, I could relate.

When my oldest son was born, I chose not to use pain killers. I remember moaning when the nurse looked at me and said, "Quit making noise and use your energy to push."  My family stood outside the door and was amazed when they heard my baby cry without a moan from me.  I took the nurse’s advice literally.

Perhaps, as a society, we have missed something by taking pain killers during childbirth; we forget that pain is a part of life.  The nurse’s advice helped me deliver my son and changed my life perspective.  Difficult circumstances and set-backs are a part of life and we all experience it.  When I catch myself moaning and complaining I remember her words.,“Quit making noise and use your energy to push [through it]!”