Sports - Wood, Hay and Straw?

I admit, I have a love-hate relationship with sports.  I married my sports-crazy husband and had four sons. For almost two decades, my life has revolved around sports.  When my guys are not playing or coaching sports, they are watching it on TV or participating in a fantasy football league.  I have sweatshirts, lawn chairs, foldable stadium seats, feet warmers, mittens, multiple jackets, wool socks, umbrellas and ponchos.  We’ve invested a lot of money into sports fees (to play and watch), basketball shoes, football cleats, sports equipment and gas!  We’ve braved blizzards and subzero temps.  We’ve met all sorts of friends on the side lines and volunteered in the concession stands.  My kids exercised, met friends, and learned how teams work.  Well sort of.

My boys have tried it all – soccer, swimming lessons, football, traveling basketball, 3 on 3 basketball and baseball.  At one point, we had three sons in traveling basketball at the same time and the season overlapped with football!  It was crazy.  One spring, my oldest two sons tried baseball while my husband traveled for work.  I went to 40+ games in the rain while pushing my two youngest sons in a double stroller.  After that season, I talked my older sons out of playing baseball; this was not an easy task because all of their friends played three sports.  However, we decided we would enjoy our summers and be a two sport family – football and basketball.

It was busy, but we had our boundaries.  We prioritized church attendance and Christian community for our kids. When our sons played traveling basketball, we managed to miss church only a handful of times over the years.  Sometimes that meant we would visit a church nearby the tournament. We limited our sons to one sports team per season (no doubling up).  We kept our kids going to youth group, church camps, and connect groups so they had Christian friends and a biblical foundation.  Some sports seasons required missing youth group, but we would not allow missing youth group as a year round norm.

I think my youngest son sat in the gym one time too many when he was young.  He got tired of wasting all his time on sports.  He took a break from football in 6^th grade and basketball in 8^th grade.  What??  He didn’t love sports.  He was burned out and thought it was a waste of time.  He did not want to miss going up north, vacations, or time with his cousins for a basketball tournament anymore. 

Sports are great for meeting new friends and for filling time to keep kiddos out of trouble.  But there is also a balance of too much time being committed to organized sports at the expense of Christian community and a biblical foundation (not to mention family time).  We have our kids for such a short time before they are grown up and gone!  What are we building in them?  Is it something that will last when the sports are done?   

I have been reflecting on I Corinthians 3:10-15, “Because of God’s grace to me, I have laid the foundation like an expert builder. Now others are building on it. But whoever is building on this foundation must be very careful. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ. Anyone who builds on that foundation may use a variety of materials—gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw. But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value. If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward. But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss. The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames.”

Now that two of my sons graduated from high school, I have a different perspective on sports.  For most, sports do not last. We faced sports related trials with our sons - broken bones, injuries, stitches, and concussions.  Our oldest son played football for ten years.  In his senior year he was the best lineman on the team and would start varsity.  He couldn’t wait!  On the first preseason game, he injured his knee and was out for the season!  I sat through the season in disbelief.  All the years of work he put into football and this was his chance…gone.  He was sitting on the sideline with crutches. Another son faced a disappointing basketball season for his senior year.  After playing basketball for ten years, he saw very little playing time…another chance gone. All those years invested into sports seemed like “the wood, hay and straw” spoken of in the scripture and was burned up in an instant.  My sons trusted that the Lord had bigger purposes for those years of playing sports, but it was still a bummer. 

Recently, my youngest son switched from a large public high school to a tiny private high school with about 60 students.  A friend described the new school, “It’s not the typical high school experience.  The school is small and not big on sports.”  It sounded perfect for him.  He wanted a change.  At the new school we made him play basketball again so he could meet new friends.   As a freshman, he started JV and even played some varsity.  His basketball skills stood out. Because the school was so small, some kids were playing basketball for their first or second year.  They played to have fun, not to be better than everyone else (in order to get playing time), or to win a college scholarship. As I watched, I thought this is the way basketball was meant to be…it was fun. 

Don’t get me wrong, competitive high school sports can be fun, but for some kids it can also be disappointing.  Not everyone makes the team and if you do, you might not play much.  I remember a mentor once said, “Lower your expectations and you’ll be disappointed less often.”  This is so true!  Lower your expectations for your kids as it relates to high school sports and you all will be disappointed less often.  High school sports are not all we have imagined them to be.  I discovered that I had a few misconceptions about high school sports:

1.      Being good at a sport is a good way to get a scholarship for college – Nope.  In my opinion (and from our personal experience), good grades will get your kids more money for college.  Some kids get scholarships for sports, but not many.  Remember, you have to have size, skill, playing time and remain injury free.  Some of these things are beyond your control.  If free college is your motive for putting your kids in sports, let me make a suggestion, save all the money you will pay for sports fees and put it into a college fund instead!

2.      I thought my kids would learn work ethic from sports.  After all, if you work hard you can get good and play varsity when you’re older.  Not necessarily.  This lesson backfired.  My young adult children are still trying to figure this one out – not all of their hard work “paid off” in the way they hoped.  Oops.  Working hard does not guarantee playing time.  There are other talented players, lack of physical size, ability mismatches, coaching style or (dare I say) politics that can prevent a hard working kid from playing varsity.  In some cases, a personal injury does the trick. Don’t count on hard work alone – your child will be disillusioned.

 

3.      Your kids will make friends.  Yes and no.  Your kids will make some friends and some enemies.  Let’s face it, sports are competitive.  Some of the friendships last but many last only as long as the sports season.  It can get awkward too, especially when kids are vying for playing time or if one makes the team and the other does not.  Sometimes, sports friendships are all about proximity.  As soon as the sport is over, so is the friendship.  Build friendships that will last.

I’m glad our kids played sports, but I am even more grateful that we valued and prioritized Christian community along the way. Sometimes we need to have a reality check and evaluate the reason we push our kids to excel.  The time we have with our kids is SHORT.  Sports are not bad, but you and your kids will learn much different lessons than maybe you imagined when they were young.  There will be highlights – we have great memories, friends, and boxes of trophies.  But we also learned valuable lessons about teamwork and humility through the disappointing times.  Life isn’t always fair.  These are the lessons that will remain along with their faith.  So what’s my advice?  Prioritize Christian community, faith and family time along the way.  Enjoy the moments with your kids. Have fun together.  In the end, remember to build good things into their lives. After they are grown, what will remain?